The Dating Recipe
This might not be a place to admit it, but I don’t like the dating formula. The formula goes like this: you get asked “out”; you get dressed up – so does he; neither of you acts normal for the rest of the evening and the date is such a distraction that you will never enjoy the play, symphony, movie, and all. You both spend the entire evening acting out a scene that – if it were in a movie or a television show – is so ‘formulaic’ you would never watch in real life.
My preference is to date people who do not fit that criteria. One ideal dating method is volunteering. Or, “I have a thing I need to go to for my job…” My personal best date ever was, “Hey, I’ve got to drive to Nashville to pick up a regulator for my SCUBA tank, want to come?” What I loved about these dates was that I was asked out on them as the person just really enjoyed my company and felt that if I were with them, whatever they were doing would be more fun.
This type of dating may end in disaster, thus be cautious when agreeing. This should ideally be with someone that you also feel makes any task more enjoyable. These are big, “turn a friend into something more” chances. But, there is nothing more romantic than being out at some event – like a volunteer opportunity – and having the guy who’s interested in you getting you coffee, checking in how you’re doing, etc. If they make it obvious that the two of you are there “together” it’s a fantastic feeling, much more romantic than flowers and candy and a trip to an Opera you didn’t have any interest in any way.
A great thing regarding this type of dating is that each of you have another thing to do with yourselves. You have time to be together and enjoy that before all the pressure of “tell me about yourself.” And, if this date is good, you may always stop at a coffee shop after to find out additional information regarding one another.
These after date coffees additionally may assist you in getting through the pattern which may sound the same after going on several dates with several various individuals. You will have both shared the same experience. Talking through it – what you each found funny or irritating or inspiring – will give you some idea about whether or not you share a similar view onto the world.
It is also really helpful to pass this preference along to friends who attempt to set you up. This works as a pre screener. If you like environmental organizations and the “set up” date won’t meet you at an Earth Day volunteer booth”you may already have all the information you needed without having to suffer through a date.
And, in the end, I like having memories that did not come out of a greeting card or a jewelry add. I am me, and I want my love life to be unique – not a cookie-cutter version of what other person thinks the dating formula should add up to.
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